


rejoice because you're trying your best

by pastelerror



Category: Law Abiding Citizen (Polygon)
Genre: M/M, doug rambles abt his crush for ten hours and then is sad, fuckign uuuuhhhhhhhhhh gay?, nasty man develops first crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-07-21
Packaged: 2018-12-04 23:29:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11565606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pastelerror/pseuds/pastelerror
Summary: In which feelings are weird and dumb, actually.





	rejoice because you're trying your best

The terrible thing about being a demon is that no one ever tells you anything. 

Everyone expects you to know. You’re a demon, after all. You are given instructions and you are expected to follow them without having to ask silly nonsense like “why?” and “how?” or say things like “I don’t understand.” 

This had never been a problem for Doug. Doug knew. He had a job, and he did it okay. He was capable of finding his way around Hell. He knew how to construct a simulation of a world and how to make anxious straight-laced humans bend to his will. Doug has never found himself completely at a loss for how to handle a situation. 

Except when it comes to Russ. 

Somehow, over the course of their adventures together, things have slowed down into something more… comfortable. It’s no longer a battle of wills (that Doug always wins), both fighting each other at every turn. It’s a game of sorts, a friendship where Russ plays the role of the gullible human, and Doug is the charismatic demon, and they both pretend that their weapons are toys and that people are robots and that their actions have no consequences. It’s a collection of little giggles, inside jokes, of “they’re fine” and “you made me do that.” 

Besides that, Doug finds himself content to do nothing at all with Russ. He’s left Hell on multiple occasions, just so he can touch Russ and soak in the sight of Russ smiling at him, or laughing at some stupid joke he said. When they aren’t talking Doug finds himself thinking back on their conversations, or finding something that Russ would like, or wishing Russ could be with him. 

It’s strange. He’s never felt like this before, and he doesn’t know what to do. He’s not stupid, he knows what this is. He likes Russell. Romantically. 

But… he doesn’t know what to do about it. 

For the first time in a long time, Doug has no idea what to do. Should he flirt? Does Russ feel the same way? Surely he’s felt what’s been building up between them? 

He doesn’t know. He just doesn’t know.   
Days and months blur together. Their visits become more frequent, and more often then not Doug spends his time with Russ lounging around whatever hotel or swanky apartment he decides is best for the day, doing absolutely nothing. 

Gradually their barriers fall apart as Doug spends more and more time corporeal around Russ. They’re always touching, whether it’s Doug leaning against Russ, or holding hands, or just holding onto him. 

After a day of mostly nothing, Doug finds himself in a bed, with Russ, his head against Russ’s chest, with Russ’s hands absentmindedly threading their way through his hair. 

They were talking at one point, but the conversation faded away as the two of them grew sleepier. 

He felt… warm. Demons weren’t known to be particularly soft, feelings-wise, but here he is, right now. He wants to tell Russ how he feels, but a part of him doesn’t want to disrupt the moment. 

“Russ,” his voice is muffled against the human’s shirt. “I care about you.” 

Russ, half asleep, hums something in response. Doug doesn’t know if he even understood what he said. 

He decides to leave it as is. He feels Russ’s breathing slowly even out, and then the human is snoring, completely asleep. 

Sometimes he wishes he could live in moments like these. 

—

Sometimes he wishes he could go back to moments like those. 

Theoretically he could. If he wanted to, he could build a simulation out of those memories and stay in it as long as he likes. 

He won’t do that.

Doug swallows down the bitter taste of memories and soft feelings for the man who just killed himself so he could get away from him. He hasn’t cancelled the simulation yet. He can’t bring himself to do it. If he does he’ll go back to his apartment in Hell, and Russ will still be dead. 

The lava hisses and bubbles below him. He wishes he could jump in and burn alongside Russ, but it wouldn’t do anything. 

Doug lets out a sigh, wiping his eyes to clear away tears he didn’t know he could make. He’s never cried before. 

He doesn’t know how he feels. Anger, at Russ for throwing away what they had on a whim? Sadness at the loss of someone he adored? It feels strange to him that not to long ago he was battling with how to confess to Russ about his feelings. That only a few weeks ago he and Russ were laughing together as Russ pretended to be Superman and flapped his arms when he flew. Hell, half an hour ago they were cooking together! It doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t feel real. 

He stands up shakily, surveying the scene one last time before he lets it go. 

The world slows to a stop and fades away. 

The terrible thing about being a demon is they never tell you things, because you should already know everything you need to know. But Doug doesn’t know how to deal with this. No one told him hey, one day you’ll fall in love with your client and then he’ll kill himself out of nowhere, and it’ll break your heart. 

For the second time since he met Russ, Doug has no idea what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> theres no real consistency to this bc i wrote this at 1 am and i dont like. write. but i like lac so here u go   
> demon man is gay and then sad   
> (also title is from 'rejoice' by andrew jackson jihad)


End file.
